btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im six kinds of drunk right now
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize