There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
