Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
