i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
