I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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