i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
