she woke up with a sticky ear
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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