I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
