Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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