Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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