what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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