You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
