Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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