i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A+ Viking dick
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
