all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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