Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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