I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
