I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sorry about my life...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
