I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
