you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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