discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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