she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
