He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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