fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize