I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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