You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
