Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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