I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize