im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
