even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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