you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
what day is it and did you see me today?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
