ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize