didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize