Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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