True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
