i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I am one with the molecules
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
