I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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