I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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