it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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