i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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