if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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