soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
