I hate your face
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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