There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
