We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
