What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
