You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
