HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
