yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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