is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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