I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
