I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
zippers are such a cool invention
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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