I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
