You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
