Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
