Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
