You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
