wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
