i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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