Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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