So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
