is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
