I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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