I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Plan B is the new Plan A
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
