the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
