Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
