Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
