Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
