half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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