cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
