I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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