she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
