So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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