I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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