worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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